Leaving Wasn’t Healing — It Was the Spiral

There’s a myth in the healing world:

That once you leave the wrong relationship, everything gets better.

You breathe. You glow up.

You find yourself.

But for a lot of us?

We leave the relationship… and we spiral.

Because when the “safe” life ends — even if it was emotionally empty — all the old pain finally rises to the surface. And what happens next isn’t peace.

It’s panic.

💔 From Safe… to Unraveling

I didn’t leave and suddenly feel empowered. I left and attached to all the wrong people — again. I fell into push-pull dynamics. I mistook anxiety for attraction. I craved validation from people who didn’t even see me.

And I stayed.

Longer than I should have.

Again and again.

Because my nervous system didn’t know what healthy love felt like.

But it did know what inconsistency, chaos, and emotional hunger felt like.

And to my body — that felt like home.

🌪️ The Relationship That Almost Broke Me

The peak of my spiral was a six-year entanglement with someone who, in every sense, was a narcissistic sociopath. He was charming. Addictive. Damaging. He knew exactly how to hook me — and exactly how to unravel me.

And I stayed. Because part of me still believed that love was something I had to earn.

That if I just proved myself enough, he’d finally choose me the way I needed.

But that belief didn’t come from him. It came from my trauma. My childhood. My wiring.

🧠 This Isn’t Weakness — It’s Programming

If you’ve left a relationship and found yourself falling into even worse ones…

It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn’t mean you didn’t “do the work.”It doesn’t mean you’re weak.

It means your nervous system is still trying to find familiarity — because familiar feels safer than the unknown, even when it hurts.

This is how trauma lives in the body. This is why we live out our wounds before we heal them.

And this is where real healing begins.

🩵 Healing Starts When the Spiral Breaks

For me, it started with a painful moment of clarity:

“This isn’t who I am. This is who I learned to be.”

That’s when I stopped shaming myself — and started studying myself.

I learned how to:

• Calm my nervous system

• Recognize emotional red flags early

• Rebuild my self-trust

• Connect with my secure self — not my wounded one

It was slow.

It wasn’t glamorous.

But it was the most important work I’ve ever done.

💛 If You’re Still in the Spiral…

This is your invitation to pause.

Not to judge yourself.

Not to “rise” instantly.

Just to say:

“I see what’s happening. And I want a new path.”

📣 Ready for the next step?

Whether you’re a woman recovering from anxious attachment or a man untangling from emotional chaos:

💫 Secure to Love Again™ is a 10-week journey for women ready to stop self-abandoning and start trusting love again — from the inside out.

💫 Ready for More™ is a 10-week blueprint for men ready to rebuild their nervous system, lead with presence, and date with clarity.

Real love isn’t a performance. It’s a return to who you truly are — before the spiral, beneath the pain.

You’re not too late. You’re right on time.

📘 Coming up next:

Blog 3 — The Moment I Stopped Abandoning Myself (A turning point in healing. A return to self. A new relationship with love.)